Kick the Shit out of Option B: Belated Birthday Reflections

It's been a while since I've heard my regular writing voice in my head. I've also felt a bit more vulnerable than normal sharing on a platform like this, putting my thoughts out there into a world that felt a little cold and unwelcoming.

Part of my losing my voice and desire to share comes from spending a lot of time around a person who made me question all of the things that I love about myself. It took me a while (some days I'm still in it) to get out of the space of letting someone else's negative viewpoints impact how I see myself.

One of the things that they felt strongly about was birthdays and how they suck. And about how celebrating them is lame and lamer than lame is the act of planning your own birthday, which I had always done up to that point with joy. I mean why should anyone else have to plan a celebration for you? The day is really a chance to spend time with the people you care about and why should the burden of planning that fall on someone else?

In truth, however, I find birthdays hard like everyone else. I actually fear them which is kind of why I over-celebrate. I also love to quote and Sheryl Sandberg's poignant Facebook post after losing her husband suddenly this year resonated with me. One of the many bits of advice she gives is this: "When a friend told me recently that he hates birthdays, I looked at him and said through tears 'celebrate your birthday goddamit. You are lucky to have each one.'" 

This year's birthday was a true celebration of the friends and family in my life and I definitely celebrated (as I've been known to do, you know, occasionally ;)). My birthday falls pretty much mid-way through the year, which gives me just enough time to pull up my socks in achieving all of the New Year's resolutions that I gutter-balled. I was having dinner with a friend the night before my birthday who advised me that I should really only have three goals at a time (good tip) and that I should spend my time focusing on the goals that I can control, letting go a little bit of those that I can't (while modifying my behaviours enough so that I stand a reasonable chance of achieving those long term, less controllable goals).  

So I've got a plan (or plans haha)!  It's taken me a lot of time to reconcile that my Plan A, that plan I had for my life that followed the standard path that many of us imagine following, is no longer an option. So many days this frustrates me. But here I'll quote Sheryl again in that same amazing post, "I was talking to one of (my) friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, 'But I want Dave. I want option A.' He put his arm around me and said, 'Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.'”

So here's to celebrating, never letting anyone else make you feel bad about what you feel good about (especially yourself), and kicking the shit out of Option B. 

You can find the whole Sheryl Sandberg FB post here.