Three Weeks in Chaotic and Charming China

A Shock to the Senses

The second stop on my whirlwind backpacking trip was China. The country completely shocked my senses. Ramshackle restaurants with cave-like walls. Men missing legs being rolled around on planks of wood, asking for spare change. The constant shouts of “Hello lady, let’s go.” 

In opposition to these scenes, there were so many instances of grandeur and excessive beauty. Wonderfully preserved temples, sweeping boulevards, ornate buildings, and swanky shopping malls. 

Unfortunately for me, all of it was either covered in a tarp as they are restoring everything for the Olympics in 2008, or covered in about an inch of dust. So much so that I had a wicked cold while there. Apparently, there were some storms in Inner Mongolia while I was in Beijing and the city (and my lungs) got coated in a thick layer of dust.

It was fascinating and engaging and unlike any other place I've been. 

Best of Beijing

First up was Beijing. I thought I would stay a couple of days but ended up staying a week. Partly because I was exhausted from moving from Japan, and largely because there was so much to see! The first night I checked into the Leo hostel crawling with backpackers looking for a good time. The hostel was located in a Hutong. Narrow, dusty, old-school streets. An imperfect housing solution amidst the splendour of Beijing's boulevards. On that first night, I found this wonderful 1930s-style Chinese restaurant that reminded me a bit of an old-school European cafe where the likes of Edith Piaf would play on a gramophone. The food was scrumptious and my feast of a meal came to about 2 dollars. The cute uniformed waiters cried out a unison greeting as you arrived and served you absentmindedly with heads turned towards a TV screen blaring Michael Jackson top hits. On the counter were three Jars of alcohol fermented with a Deer Penis, Frogs and Snakes. I tried a sample and just like every seldom tried meat tastes like chicken, these three alcohols all tasted simply like vodka. Met some nice folks in the hostel and about 28 of us headed to karaoke, or KTV as they call it in China. It took me a while to grasp that I wasn’t in Japan anymore.




The next day was the Summer Palace and my first taxi scam of the trip. I decided to ride in a Tuk Tuk-like style motorbike with a carriage on the back. I negotiated the driver down to about a dollar to take me to the Summer Palace (which I pointed out to them in Chinese on a map). They drove me around for about five minutes, plopped me in front of a gate which they indicated was the Summer Palace and then tried to get a little more money out of me for the next three minutes. When they finally departed I went across the street and realized that they had taken me to some unknown garden about a million miles away from my intended destination. I finally made it to the Palace and on my way back I was met with some more bad taxi luck when I hopped into a nicer-looking cab and headed back to catch my Kung Fu show that night. About five minutes into a 30-minute drive I realized that the taxi meter had already reached the price of my entire cab to the Palace. I inquired if the taxi driver’s meter was broken and he said that it was rush hour and there was traffic so that was why it was so expensive. I pointed out that we hadn't yet hit any traffic and he said that “wasn't his car nicer than the others and shouldn’t I pay more for it?” 

In the end, I had him drop me off early and I instead tried to maneuver the Beijing subway, of course missing my non-refundable Kung Fu show. Anywho, the Summer Palace was beautiful. Expansive grounds and beautiful temples. Combined with a sunny day, it was exquisite. At night I visited the night market where you could find all manner of exotic Chinese street foods, including silkworms. In Korea, there were tones of silkworms but I couldn't get up the nerve to try 'em. I mean I'd tried frog’s legs, escargot, deer penis liqueur etc., but this just wasn't the same. They still looked like insects when you ate them and I was frozen with fear. But I double-dared myself and tried some at the nite market (about one bite really). And guess what?? It tasted like....CHICKEN!!!

Great Wall Hiking

The next day was off to the Great Wall. Qell the "Secret" part of the great wall, qhere it was not restored and not full of tourists. It was beautiful and impressive and quite a workout with a three-hour hike. Finished off the day with a meal with a local farmer. We were enjoying the food and clearing our plates and the food kept coming until we were stuffed to the level of a fois gras duck liver. We finally clued into the fact that they would keep bringing us food until we left some on our plates (in China it is apparently considered rude to clear your plate as it is an indication to the chef that he did not give you enough food). 

The following day was filled with haggling at the weekend antique market, visiting the Temple of Heaven (which was also covered in a tarp) and then to a famous Peking Duck restaurant. Typically the fattiness of duck makes me wretch...literally. But this duck was famed for having no fat, and for the skin separating entirely from the succulent meat. I decided to give it a try and it was indeed heavenly. Finished off a busy day with a trip to the showy Kung Fu musical which was stunning.

I finally made it to the Forbidden Palace the next day. A bunch of buildings that look relatively the same, some covered with tarp, some accentuated by Starbucks and Olympic souvenir shops. It was still impressive in its scope. And for the fact that it had a 4-star toilet which really says something in China (some toilets amounted to troughs without doors all connected together where you could see everyone else's business as it floated past beneath you while squatting).

I headed back to the Great wall on my last day to see a restored bit and again was utterly impressed. I was with two cool chicks from Canada and Germany and we played the role of rowdy tourists. Bought some beers and silly hats (or at least I bought the hat...of course) and had a marvellous time hiking the wall and then sliding down the luge at the end. 

Buried Warriors

The next day was a trip to the incense-laden Lama temple which was beautiful (temples in China are stunningly intricate and colourful) and to another cool Taoist temple that had clay scenes depicting things like the "15 terrible ways to die". 

From there I caught the night train to the famed city of Xi'an to see the Terra Cotta warriors. I bought a standing-room-only ticket on a full train as I didn’t have time to wait another day, however as soon as I got on the train, amidst the stares of every man, woman, and child, I found out that there were indeed tonnes of sleeper beds and through some sneaky transactions I was soon laying down in a luxurious hard sleeper with 5 other buddies who kept stealing glances at my dirty socks and my unmasked face. Met a wonderful bloke from the Isle of Mann (which I'd never heard of before) and we arrived bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (NOT!) and ready to tackle the warrior tour. 

The tour was a bit long and cheesy, except for the actual warrior part which was incredible. I mean talk about a legacy of obsessive-compulsive behaviour. An emperor that was so terrified about what would happen to his soul after he died that he built thousands of Terra Cotta soldiers and buried them facing the only direction that wasn't protected by natural forces (i.e. river, mountain, etc.). Apparently, if the soldiers weren't up to snuff, the sculptor would get snuffed out...such was the insanity of this man. But it certainly makes for a fascinating discovery and tour!!

The Wall of Pingyao

Then it was off again on another night train (I think I will have aged about 10 years by the time this three months is complete) to the walled city of Pingyao. The night train was quite an experience. I was limited once again to standing room only, but since there was so much extra room on the train from Beijing to Xi'an, I thought I would chance it. I got to the train station and was totally flabbergasted. It was absolute madness. I started to freak out a bit. Everyone was sending me in different directions and everything seemed like mass chaos. 

The train was delayed three times and I was causing quite the show...up and down, up and down with my bag. When the train was finally called it was like a cattle call. People were shouting and whistling and pushing and snarling. When I got down to the platform it was pandemonium. People lined up for miles for the most disgusting-looking train with packed-looking cars and people claiming their standing-room-only positions already. I thought "there is no way."  So I went up to a random guard sitting away from the rest and I showed him my ticket asking where I should go. He motioned sleeping to me as in “do you want to sleep?” and I shook my head yes. Within 2 minutes I was in a soft sleeper...go figure!!!

Pingyao was amazing. The entire town is preserved as a world heritage site. When you enter the city walls you're transported back to a different place and time. Each and every building inside the city walls was maintained as it was back in the day. I could have stayed for a week, chillin' in cafes, having massages, seeing some of the local plays. I met some lovely ladies and we went for full body massages. I opted for the additional cupping treatment where glass balls are suctioned to your back for about 15 minutes. This basically results in some nasty-looking hickeys. Meant to clear toxins from your body, all I know is that it made carrying my backpack quite a trial. Unfortunately, I was off the next day to Beijing to catch my flight to Hong Kong.









On my last day in Beijing, I caught a touristy opera and then went to a local Chinese fast food joint to scarf down a quick rice bowl. As I was sitting there a skinny but well-dressed man sat right next to me (even though there was room two seats away). It felt a little uncomfortable but I sucked it up.

As my lunch arrived, I happened to look over at the man and saw the flash of metal on my camera disappearing beneath his thigh. I made eye contact with him and he sort of shrugged with a "what's up" kind of expression, and I pointed at him and the only intelligent thing that I could muster, as I began to tremble with outrage, was "you took my camera." He shrugged again and I grabbed the camera from under his leg and repeated my academy award-winning line "you took my camera."

Then I proceeded to stand up and announce to a room of people who surely heard only Gibberish "he took my camera." I tried to take a picture of him but he was walking away. He went to the front counter and pretended to order something and I followed him and told the servers that he had "taken my camera." I was like a zombie who could only remember one line of English. Then I followed him outside and made sure he left the area. In the end, I was super lucky. I am now a major bag clutcher. 

Bright Lights, Sexy Hong Kong

Hong Kong does not feel like China at all. It was a breath of fresh air: a clean, exciting, trendy, modern, beautiful, English-speaking city. I ended up spending about 3 days in a place called Happy Valley. Had some nice dinners, saw the big Buddha, walked around the peak and enjoyed the view. Too many skyscrapers but framed by the most beautiful coast and lush greenery.


I could have stayed in Hong Kong for longer, there certainly was enough to see. But I didn't want to leave China in the cloud of dust that was Beijing. I wanted to see some of the more lush and beautiful areas that I'd heard about. So I boarded a night bus from the seedy shopping town of Shenzhen and took the night bus to Guilin.

Guilan Greenery

I woke up to the refreshing scenery of rice fields and quaint villages as far as the eye could see. A stark contrast of beauty against the morning spit sounds of my train buddies. Guilin was stunning with its limestone peaks. The first day I took in some caves. Inside they were caves like any other I had seen before, but each and every strange formation was named something ridiculous which was totally amusing. One being the "centipede petrified by a mirror". 

On the second day, I took a cruise down the beautiful Li River and watched the fisherman, mountains, and water buffaloes float by. Ended up in the backpacker’s paradise Yangzhou and shopped/relaxed for the day with some folks from the boat. Headed back to Guilin at night to catch my bus for Macau.

Monied Macau

By the end of my trip, I was itching to get out of China. It can be an overwhelming place. Unfortunately, I didn't get out without one last struggle. I took a sleeper bus from Guilin to Macau. I'll start off by saying that they had a spit bucket in the aisle of the bus. Not a good sign. It was a soon-to-be morgue on wheels I tell ya. There were about 30 actual beds on this bus, and it had to be the most unsafe vehicle I've ever been in. The roads in China are madness with constant honking and passing on two-lane highways. With all of this noise and the constant jerking, I didn't get a wink of sleep. I felt every tiny pebble on the road it seemed. And I would alternate between bumping my face on the sidebars, my head on the low ceiling, and my feet on the bar at the bottom.

We stopped for a snack at a gutted store where cockroaches had free reign and the food was a melee of egg and rice and pickles and that is all I was able to recognize. There was the cutest little boy looking at me from a corner and I went over to say hi, and then realized that he was holding a cockroach. These cockroaches are going to be the end of me!

We finally arrived in  "Macau" only it wasn't Macau, we were still in China. It was just the final stop and with no explanation, I was left to my own devices in the middle of an outskirts bus station. Macau only ended up being about 45 minutes away, but it was one last fun little hiccup!

Macau was quaint and a nice place to visit for a day. It is quickly becoming the Las Vegas of the area. Complete with a massive themed shopping area by the water (with massively overpriced restaurants and exploding volcanoes and mini coliseums etc.) and a Sands casino where I killed about four hours at the swankiest Las Vegas-style buffet I've ever frequented (think sashimi and steak for miles). 

At 2:45am I boarded a red eye for Kuala Lumpur and left China in my wake.


High ho, high ho...it's off to work I go for Habitat for Humanity in Kuching Malaysia! Stay tuned!