Heading into 2018, Doing it My Way

As I reflect on my life heading into a new year, I realize I've done a lot of things because they seem like the "smart" or "right" thing to do. But in the end, a lot of the things that I've done and who I've become haven't always lined up with my values. 

As the years pass, I find that I'm frequently drawn back to the things that I loved as a child. As adults, we often unnecessarily put aside things that bring us joy in favour of "adulting." But in doing so we are missing, in my opinion, the point of life. It is to be lived and enjoyed and I guarantee we are better parents, friends, and community members if we are lucky enough to be doing things that bring our souls joy. 

Who are You Really?

I spend a lot of time trying to get back to the person that I am at my core. Luckily a few years back I found my true tribe in my rock choir friends and community which opened up a whole new world for me. I got back to the things that I'd ignored for years: singing, dancing, and entertaining with a group of people who manage to love it even more than I do!

But while I do try to practice gratitude for the life I have, I often bemoan the things that I don't have. It's a real struggle sometimes because, as I've said before, I'm so off-plan. But every once and a while, I have moments when I realize that maybe, somehow, I've landed on the path that fits most squarely with the real me. 

Your Path is the Right Path for You

The most recent of these moments of realization occurred when I was talking to a friend at a Christmas party. We'd had a few and started to talk a bit about the meaning of life. As one does after multiple Proseccos. She asked if I thought that there had to be a meaning, and I guess my answer was and is "I don't know." But then I blurted out my hazy thoughts on life's purpose that I hadn't really put into words before: The meaning of life can't be working like crazy in a cubicle. If there is no divine purpose, then the purpose has to be enjoying moments, connecting with people and leaving something, anything, better than when you found it. 

A speech this year by Tracee Ellis Ross really resonated with me. She talked about how we define the value of a life in modern-day society. I often view my own life as valuable in relation to what the "societal norms" and associated timelines are, and it's a broken model. Here's a quote that I love from the speech: Living a life that is your own "means risking being misunderstood, perceived as alone and broken, having no one to focus on, fall into or hide behind, having to be my own support and having to stretch and find family love and connection outside of the traditional places. But I want to do it. I want to be the Brave Me, the real me, the one whose life is my own."

Check out the full speech here

I often stress that I don't have enough money or time, but in that moment of random philosophical discussion with my friend, I immediately started describing how with my current job I have enough vacation to be able to take random Mondays off in the summer. And my favourite thing to do on those Mondays is to sit in my local park (it's kind of a magical park), in the sun with a blanket and a good book or a journal and maybe a coffee or some cheese and fruits, and just watch the world go by. And I realized in describing this that I was already living a life that suited me. That allowed me to do a lot of the things that give me joy. 

Could there be more time to write and sleep and read and dance and date and spend time with my family? 100%. Am I missing some of the key things that I really want to have in this life, still sadly yes. But I am living my version of a good life. Maybe not everyone's, but I've found my own little pieces of heaven on earth.

This past year can somewhat be summed up in my Instagram nine best:

We celebrated my baby sister's wedding (as reflected in most of the pictures) with lots of fun and an awesome trip to Nashville. Her happiness means the world to me so that was special, and it was so good to see all of the relatives I love dearly but live way too far away. I dealt with some medical stuff which was a big deal for me and I'm so happy it's done. I had so many fun nights out and chilled nights in. I went on some very interesting dates which, let's just say gave me a lot of "material" for future writing. I did TWO, count em TWO book edits and feel good about where things are at. I've made some strides with some of the other writing. At a minimum, I can't say it was unproductive. 

Less/More

I'm a big fan of lists, so here's my Less/More wish list for the coming year:

• Less stressing, more meditating 
• Less complaining about online dating, and more enjoying all of the people I get to meet 
• Less worrying, more doing
• Less eating, more yoga and exercise
• Less things, more experiences
• Less judgment, more connection
• Less spending, more giving back (I'm fully aware that even being in a place where I'm able to contemplate any of this makes me a very lucky person in this world)
• Less waste, more conscious living (in the moment)
• Less comparing/negative self-talk, more celebrating
• Less talking, more thinking
• Less TV and social media, and socializing, more writing and other goal-centred pursuits
• Less negativity, more "good vibes"
• Less FOMO, more intuition
• Phewf! That's a lot...

I hope to get the book done. I hope to have done some other writing. I will sing solo somewhere other than amongst a group of friends and not care what it sounds like. Work stuff will get sorted as usual and goal weights, dating quotas (lol it's a numbers game, c'mon), savings, and all of those other standard rollover goals will be moved forward. I hope to go somewhere new and match the number of countries I've visited to my age :). And if I don't, no big deal. Flexibility is key.

This is a year I'm sort of dreading for a few reasons, and I really need to remind myself to just chill and take each moment as it comes. It's all about changing your perspective. Instead of thinking "I'm one day closer to (the age that I'm afraid of)," think "Yay, I got to enjoy another day!"

I'll leave you with a few lyrics from one of the greats, Frank Sinatra (Postscript: the lyrics were actually written by Paul Anka...well whaddya know) in I did it my way. It always brings me to tears and I think that this is the ultimate goal in life, to live it in a way that is true to you. 

I've lived a life that's full

I've travelled each and every highway

But more, much more than this

I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course

Each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all, when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall

And did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill my share of losing

And now, as tears subside

I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that

And may I say - not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no, not me

I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got

If not himself, then he has naught

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows

And did it my way

Yes, it was my way

Here's to you living life your way and in line with what you value. And to all of us leaving the world a little lighter and brighter than when we found it. 

What are you hoping for in 2018? What do you want to do less/more of? Where do you find your joy and how will you get more of it this year? 

Happy New Year!!!