Let it All Go

Anna and Elsa knew what they were talking about when they belted out that ridiculously catchy and obsessively over sung mantra song, Let it Go. 

When I was a teen, I had way too many thoughts. I was so afraid to lose any of them...to leave my to-do list to chance, that I had trouble focusing even in the most basic scenarios. Like watching a movie. So I would bring a little notepad, scrap of paper, napkin, anything I could find really, into the movie (yes I grew up just on the cusp of our modern-day technological society, so no cell phones). And any time I would have a thought: something to research, something to do, someone to reach out to, I would write it down. I thought I was being sneaky about it, but in retrospect, I’m sure my companions thought I was a nerd. Only when I dumped these thoughts from my brain, could I then relax and enjoy the show.

The signing bonus at my first grown-up job was a fancy (at the time) black-and-white display Palm Pilot. Awesome! I thought. I can graduate from scraps of paper to the perfect little list maker that would save my thoughts FOREVER. I now have more lists managing my life than I have time to organize them. It's heavy.

Letting Go

As I go through another transition (life is just a series of transitions heh?), I reflect on the idea of letting go. I hold on to things desperately: People, objects, ideas. But I do recognize the need to let things go. Because as they say: 

Here's a (long) list of things I'm going to try to let go of which I'm sharing because I'm pretty sure a lot of you can see yourselves in these situations:

Let go of all the stuff - mostly things (and everything else) that doesn't "spark joy": 

This is the obvious one. I need to get better at this. Marie-Kondo my ass and get rid of things that are not utilitarian or don't "spark joy" (I'm paraphrasing here). You need space to breathe after all.

This got tested for me recently. I lost access to about 60,000 of my past (really old) emails. They still exist, but I can't access them from my account. At the outset, I freaked out a little bit. I mean what if I needed to use one of my old emails to reference something? But I decided this was a perfect opportunity to just let it go. Of course, the day after this happened I had an email to write and I immediately thought of a past email that I could use as a template. But guess what? I used my brain instead to create a new one. I think we're so reliant on templates and patterns and existing information that we forget how to use our brains sometimes. 

There was also a bet in the office about the number of boxes that I would need to pack to move my desk. It's usually about 7 to 10. I mean why would I leave behind my fancy footstool and buy a new one at the new office? But let's face it...it's a bit of an embarrassing number. And it makes me heavy and immobile.

It's pretty basic logic that when you've clouded up your space and your brain with all of this stuff, there is no room for anything new. I know I'm not alone in this. It's not easy. If it were, there wouldn't be a book entitled: "The gentle art of Swedish death cleaning: How to free yourself and your family from a lifetime of clutter", or a million shows on hoarding. But it's definitely something to aspire to. Less stuff: mental and physical. 

Let go of the need to say something when things are "unfair"

Obviously true moments of inequity need to be spoken against. But those little slights during life that fall into the "pick your battles" or "don't sweat the small stuff" category can be dropped. I'm Type A and have lots to say, so this is hard, but in some of my mindfulness courses, they suggested saying the mantra "I choose peace instead of this" whenever you feel the need to say something. It works for so many things. 

Let go of the need for people to like me. 

Who cares? They won't all like me. Many of them won't. Hey, guess what? I'm not super fond of a bunch of people either. It's all good. As long as you're kind and not hurting other people, then let them think what they must about you, your life choices, and whatever else they can come up with. Let it go. Be cool with who you are. Love yourself. Love your life as best you can. You're the only one you have to deal with all the time anyhow so ya better like yourself.

Let go of timelines and the need for there to be a "perfect time". Embrace the messiness and the cool zig-zag route of your journey. 

Society, aging bodies, and social media, all convince us that we need to do things in a certain order by a certain time. Screw that. Let it go. I met a lady last week who learned to play the piano at 80 and got so good that she started offering lessons from her house.

I put a lot of unnecessary deadlines on myself. It's good to have structure and to be disciplined, but when these things start to interfere with your feeling of well-being, time to give yourself a break. 

Let go of the comparisons

Facebook and Instagram (while I'm obsessed with them) are the worst for comparing your life to others. It's hard enough without these platforms, but they just magnify this human need to measure our lives against others with similar life circumstances. We're all well aware of the saying "Don't compare your life to the highlight reel of other people's lives" yet we still fall into its trap. I mean we're human after all. So maybe just limit that social media time. So hard. I use the Forest app when I am feeling like I need to focus time away from social media. And then I get to plant trees at the same time. Win! 

Let go of getting it all done at once - prioritization is your friend

I went to a course with one of my favourite local life coach personalities Karlyn Percil. She was sharing all of these techniques for self-help that you could do in a day/week. The list was long. Meditation/bath/exercise/gratitude/yoga/and on and on. I already try to do a lot of these things. But I do find I'm stressed every day because if I did do all of these things, I wouldn't have time to work, socialize, etc. But she reminded me that you don't need to do them all at the same time (obviously ha, but it didn't feel that way for me). She suggested doing the thing that you need the most from that list. And if you don't get a chance to do any of them, let it go. Forgive yourself. The activities designed to alleviate your stress are not meant to cause you stress. 

Let go of the next perfect thing in favour of the next best

I often get overwhelmed by all of the things I need to do to reach my goals. If you think about them all at once, you'll go crazy. Just do the next right thing. It doesn't need to be the answer, the perfect thing, the thing that will, without a doubt, get you to your goal, but it will be action. And action propels action and is, more often than not, better than inaction. 

Let go of the need for things to be perfect right now

I’m changing jobs. It made the most sense for me right now, but it's still not my dream job. That's okay. I need to reframe things and see the positives in what is. Changing my perspective. I'm so lucky that I have a job, while I continue to seek the job that suits me best. And that also allows me to continue to work on my passions in my spare time. 

Let go of people that don't want to be with you

This is a big one for a lot of people I know. Especially those of us still in the dating pool. We want the ones we can't have, and we don't want the ones who want us. But here's the thing, you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Full stop. Easier said than done, but I fully believe that if we let someone (or something) go that isn't working for us at the moment, if they are really right for our lives, they will make their way back. As for letting go of that need or want that you have for them, cord cutting (i.e. imagining literally cutting the cord that connects you and that person) can help. I don't pretend to know how to describe this properly, but you can read up about it here or elsewhere: cord-cutting

Let go of controlling situations

I plan how I want everything to go. And guess what? It rarely goes that way. And sometimes it's better the other way. While planning is great, I think it's also smart to leave a little bit to chance. And certainly to not get too upset when plans veer off course. I try to remind myself that things that freak me out in the first moments usually end up being my best stories (not that I would love to be robbed in Cambodia again, but it's a pretty entertaining story if I do say so myself). 

Let go of the outcomes

When life doesn't go as planned, we tend to hold on to that original idea of the outcome we wanted. Someone told me recently that you can't move on from that outcome until you let it go, mourn it, and then leave space for a new outcome or plan to take root. 

Let go of expectations that I have for myself and that others have for me

Sometimes I get confused about what I really want vs. what I think I want based on external expectations. I took a really great intuition course recently, and we did a number of exercises intended to help you best get in touch with what your gut is comfortable with. You would picture a decision you needed to make and imagine the different scenarios that could come out of that decision. Then you would sit in mindful meditation with each scenario to see which one left you feeling calm, happy, content, etc. I of course was convinced that I felt good in both scenarios, so came to the conclusion that I wasn't yet ready to make a decision. But that in and of itself is something that is good to get clear on.

Let go of all of the inputs - turn off the valve (especially the self-help stuff - including what I'm writing right now lol)

I've signed up for so many emails and lists. Different cuts of the news with different viewpoints. Different life coach gurus, who then recommend other life coach gurus. A plethora of saved articles on Facebook and bookmarks of information. It's insane. Add to this the fact that the different areas of my life are sort of incongruous (my job is separate from my side hustle which is different from my pastimes)...so multiply all of that information by at least three. It's too much and I absolutely need to cut it out. I mean you start to notice that all of the information is the same. How many lists suggesting "8/9/10 things that successful people do before 9am" can you really digest and implement? 

Let go of the need to answer everything immediately. It can usually wait

We live in this society of immediacy. Someone sends you a message and expects you to respond right when you see it. Or even if they don't expect it, you feel guilty about not answering right away. Unless in a glorious "no phone" zone, I'm rarely unable to avoid looking for that damn little red dot indicating a message or some kind of activity on my device. I go through waves of responding all at once and get a rush when all the dots are cleared. But within minutes they have lit up again with people responding back. It's all so "fake-urgent" and It's making us (well me at least) distracted and a bit mad. 

Let Go of Comfort and Embrace the Unknown

There are so many more! Let go of judgement, certainty, grudges and people that have hurt you, worrying, things you cannot change, etc. There are so many things that weigh us down in this life. I think it's good to take a look at what needs to be culled every once and a while and make a conscious effort to let those things go. 

"But, as you know, letting go can be hard because it means we’ve got to let go of the very thing that is temporarily giving us comfort for something unknown. And we humans generally don’t like the unknown. It’s scary territory out there." - Corinne Dobas

Take a deep breath and read this quote from Yoga Girl out loud (it feels good): Sometimes the only choice we are left with is to let go. To surrender and release control. Let go. Let go. Let go. Stop resisting and allow the dust and the murkiness of your past to be stirred to the surface before it can settle. Sadness will come and that's ok. Pain will come and that's ok. Despair will come and that's ok. It's all ok because, in the empty space that follows, trust will start to grow. Love will set its roots within you. Joy will blossom. So feel it all. Let. It. Be. This is the process of healing. It's the only way - to let it out and let it in. You might not know it but the seeds of the most miraculous parts of your life are being planted right here, right now. In this. One day they are going to sprout and everything is going to be okay again. 

What do you need to let go of that is standing in your way of moving forward or being happy?