So What Have You Learned During Quarantine? Did You Publish Your Book Yet?: The Pandemic Productivity Trap

If you want to see how much things have changed, just look to the sky.

This time last year, I was heading off for a three-week trip to South America. Travel seemed so easy. I had no foresight to the fact that a mere year later, personal travel would have come to a standstill. Planes that I used to watch crisscross the sky over my balcony are virtually non-existent right now. The other day on a drive, we passed by the airport and I saw one plane fly overhead. One. I was like a little kid, the excitement it inspired in me.

I'm feeling nostalgic as travel has been a really defining part of my life over the last 20 years. I've spent money others use for homes on longer trips because I crave the feeling of freedom that travel brings. That opening up of your world, feeling the expanse of life and all of its possibilities, connecting with people from all different walks of life. 

That moment in the airport waiting to board is probably the most peaceful and free I ever feel. Because after a long period of preparation, everything is done. Work emails are cleared, the "out of office" is on, suitcases have been expertly packed, and life has effectively been paused, with only the job of living and exploring in front of you for a period of time. I hope I get to feel this way again.

Travel is also a time for me to focus on what I'm trying to figure out in life. At the start of the trip last year, I had a big long list of "things" I wanted to figure out. I surmised that I would journal in all of my free moments and take some good mental headspace from my job, dating, and social commitments to just lean into my intuition and come back with the answers to questions I haven't been able to answer for years. But of course, time got filled with meeting people, being in the moment, figuring out a new place every few days, and taking in every last beautiful, awake, and alive moment. So I came back no closer to having figured anything out. 

Oddly the start of this quarantine period felt similar to a trip in some ways. I thought that without all of the social commitments and running from place to place, I was sort of on a retreat from regular life. I had great aspirations to do a bunch of productive things and figure a bunch of crap out. The barrage of information and options coming from every possible input was endless. Free courses and workouts and vision board sessions and painting lessons. OH MY! I was beyond excited and started signing up for EVERYTHING. My to-do list, which was already overflowing, became just ridiculous. 

Days are Slow, Months are Fast

Then a clump of weeks seemingly passed in a flash, and the news started to talk about the economy opening up. The mood outside seemed to shift substantially with the introduction of this news and a little dose of sunshine. People seemed less afraid, almost reckless. Social distancing rules were all but forgotten. I was not feeling it. For all of the moments where I just wished I could go and grab a meal at a local hotspot, sing with my friends, or just go for a walk without fearing strangers "talking moistly" the thought of opening things up again sent me into a bit of a panic. 

Not only do I not feel like I've used this "retreat" to improve myself (tubs of ice cream and the lack of vitamin D does not, as one would think, do a body good), but I didn't master Tiktok, take the five courses I signed up for, learn the ukulele. Work got busy, my spring cleaning isn't done, and I'm not caught up really on any books I said I'd read or made any major life decisions. The other day, someone asked me if I'd managed to secure an agent for my book with all of this extra time on my hands. And the answer is no. I've only queried two agents this entire time!

I've still managed to squeeze in a lot of things, but some days I'm just happy to have made it through without falling into a pit. Like everyone else, I'm just making it through each day as best I can, and now I feel anxious and guilty at the time I've "wasted."

Self-Compassion in a Time of Collective Trauma

The early days of motivation for this time was really exciting, and then it burnt us all out. Some "public figure" dude posted something like, if you're not coming out of this pandemic with a new skill, then you've wasted your time. Talk about pressure. My mom sent me an article talking about the dangers of this type of thinking, and this small exert made me feel a bit better:

"As a trauma psychologist, I am utterly utterly horrified, enraged, and bewildered about how people can believe and spread this phrase in good conscience.

We are going through a collective trauma, that is bringing up profound grief, loss, panic over livelihoods, panic over loss of lives of loved ones. People's nervous systems are barely coping with the sense of threat and vigilance for safety or alternating with feeling numb and frozen and shutting down in response to it all.

People are trying to survive poverty, fear, re-triggering of trauma, re-triggering of other mental health difficulties. Yet, someone has the nerve to accuse someone of lack of discipline for not learning a new skill, and by a yoga teacher!

This cultural obsession with [capitalistic] 'productivity' and always spending time in a 'productive,' 'fruitful' way is absolutely maddening.

What we need is more self-compassion, more gentle acceptance of all the difficult emotions coming up for us now, more focus on gentle ways to soothe ourselves and our pain and the pain of loved ones around us, not a whipping by some random fucker making us feel worse about ourselves in the name of 'motivation.'"

Full article here: https://www.upworthy.com/coronavirus-productivity-motivation-myths-dangers

Quarantine To-Do Phase 2

Now that my work schedule has sort of levelled out, I'm struggling to put boundaries around the chunks of time in my day. Every activity bleeds into the next and I'm consistently thinking of the next thing while I'm on the current thing. What should I focus on? Should I be making sourdough bread? Querying agents? Training for a marathon? Writing new work?

The list seems endless. And I think the answer is to let go. Practice self-compassion and let the frig go. It’s a recurring theme in life. Let go of what you think you should do, but when you really think about it have no desire to do. I don't even want to make sourdough bread. Like not even one little bit. 

I've prioritized the things that make sense to me. And now I need to just establish some focus. 

I had read a bunch of productivity books in January before all of this went down, and I'm going to take a few tips from one book, "The Perfect Week Formula," before I hunker down and focus on my goals for this next phase of quarantine, and before the world opens and my social calendar fills up ;):

• Do your most important work in the morning, even if only for 20 minutes. If you start your day trying to get through the "perfect morning routine" that everyone's going on about, you'll never get to put in the time towards your goals.
• Figure out what you can delegate or delete from your schedule, freeing up more time to focus on your goals (he has a great chart for this). I can definitely delete the baking bread from my list. 
• Set boundaries on your time, and understand what you value so that you can easily determine what deserves a spot in your schedule.
• Create space for "deep work" during "magic time." If you schedule undistracted time during the hours that work well for your personal time clock, you will be more productive than someone who spends an entire day working on a task. Eliminate distractions, set boundaries around this time, and go (this is mentioned in a lot of books).
• Take time to reflect on your weekly performance, plan your week on Sunday, and detox from your screen at least once a week. 

But also, give yourself a break. I need to practice this. And at the end of the day, if we can all say that we've gotten out of this in one piece, with our kids (if we have them) in one piece, or even in a few pieces that we can put back together when we're able, that is way more than enough. 

Keep as calm as possible and carry on.