Three Cheers for a COVID Birthday...We All Get One!

When I was living in Japan, I made a solid effort to at least dip my toe into many different parts of traditional Japanese culture and arts. Origami, sushi making, karate, traditional plays, language lessons, meditation. The list goes on, and many pursuits only lasted a single try. Calligraphy, however, was one skill that I really wanted to master. I felt that it would be something I could carry with me as a useful tool throughout life. I mean who isn't blown away by a hand-crafted calligraphy-penned birthday card?

I was so bad at it however that I'm pretty sure I inspired my instructor to drink. She seemed endlessly frustrated at my attempts and basic inability to properly draw each line of a word. It's a very specific technique and requires a touch that I couldn't seem to grasp. So I decided that I'd master just one word, make a couple of hand-made souvenirs and call it a day. The word I chose was "Happiness” as I felt that if there was one thing I wished for my life and the life of others, is that we all find our versions of happiness. 

                                                    

Many years later, I look at these reminders daily on my wall and I still think it's a worthy goal, though more recently, and in light of all that's going on in the world, I want to expand my goal and my wish to include Joy. This quote by Richard Wagamese really summarizes why: 

"I'm learning that happiness is an emotion that's a result of circumstances. Joy, though, is a spiritual engagement with the world based on gratitude. It's not the big things that make me grateful and bring me joy. It's more the glory of the small: a touch, a smile, a kind word spoken or received, that first morning hug, the sound of friends talking in our home, the quiet that surrounds prayer, the smell of sacred medicines burning, sunlight on my face, the sound of birds and walking mindfully, each footfall planted humbly on the earth." 

The glory of the small. So while circumstances, like this current COVID mess, can leave us feeling unhappy, there are still so many moments during every day that can bring us joy. I just came back from a silent retreat that pretty much allowed me to find joy in so many of the little things mentioned above: sunlight on my face, the feel of my feet on different types of earth, the sound of the waves crashing, stretches of time ahead of me with no plan.

On the second last day, I felt a deep sadness at having to return to the real world the next day. This feeling comes during every retreat, to some extent, but this time it was much worse. And it was because for 4 days I was able to forget about COVID. The retreat, other than a few barely noticeable tweaks, was the same as it had been every other year. But I knew I was returning to a much different life. I didn't want to go back to fearing strangers on the street, having to prep for 20 minutes before ever leaving my house, having to be so aware of every moment and interaction of my day, and most of all having to sit in my two rooms for all of my daily activities with no end in sight. But then I remembered this quote on joy. When this whole thing started, I began making a list of my "COVID realizations." 

COVID Realizations

I highly recommend this activity as a little gratitude exercise. Most of mine are the little things more than anything. Simple pleasures:

• Listening to Enya while running (holy frig this is life-changing)
• Dancing with my niece
• Not going out all the time and actually allowing my body and my wallet and my "TO DOs" a chance to catch up
• Chilling in the backyard with my parents
• A nice hike in nature
• Making a nice meal paired with a nice wine with someone special
• Hanging out in a park (as long as there's a bathroom nearby)
• The water as it sparkles like diamonds in the sweltering sun
• Small moments of fate and cool quotes that you read and just jive with like Amor Fati - lover of fate

This birthday was meant to be a big decision birthday for me. I am so good at setting timelines for myself and then stressing out to meet them. It's a special and unnecessary skill. But then COVID hit and I literally couldn't do the things I needed to do to move forward with the decision, so I let the timeline go. Pushed it out I guess more than anything. There's something both overwhelmingly sad and freeing about this time. A bit of grace in it (of course provided you haven’t been directly impacted).

Live Your Life

My biggest lesson in this time and my "new year" birthday goal can be summed up in the story of Hamilton (the city)'s own Nick Cordero who lost his battle with COVID complications. I'm sure you've heard the story, told through the upbeat, vulnerable and totally contagious and heartwarming love and energy of his wife, Amanda Kloots. She fought every day to keep hope alive, to essentially launch a movement with a 3P.M. dance party to his song, aptly named "Live Your Life." If there's one lesson we can all take out of all of this crazy time, it's that you need to LIVE YOUR LIFE (and wear a mask...seriously).  

Nick was 41. My age as I write this. Lived two towns over during our formative years and participated in musical theatre. So we had very similar beginnings. He was living the dream that I definitely had at some point (hello failed Les Miserables audition for Cossette and later in life for Mamma Mia). People apparently ask his wife how she was able to be so positive in the face of such a devastating situation, and she said something along the lines of: if you have both legs (her husband had lost one), you have a body, you have life, then move it. Use it. Live in it. So many people don't or can't. And if there are people losing their lives during this, I think we owe it to them and the world to bloody well live the life we've got, and come out of this better than before. Kinder, wiser, more conscious, more gracious, more charitable, healthier, and energized.

My goal this year is to still focus on that decision once and for all, nurture my relationships, dance A LOT, continue along this publishing journey, and start the next book or chapter of life (whichever makes more sense at the moment). And to get comfortable with the idea of "changing my blueprint."

This is just a season. We all have so many of them if we’re lucky. Here's to finding joy in every season. Live, love, heal, deal, care, share, rest, revive. What else is there?