Moments of Magic: Birthday Reflections 2022

With every passing year, birthdays seem to be filled with more joy and celebration than fear of getting older. This year I woke up with a smile thinking of how lucky I was to be able to celebrate another year of ups and downs, surrounded by people that I love in a beautiful place. It doesn't get much better than that and I was grateful.

This year's birthday post is actually in honour of a person, Natalie Kuz, who lived life and faced illness in a way that inspires me so much. Sadly she recently lost her battle with cancer. Natalie was one of those people that leaves such a big hole in terms of the energy, joy, and fun she brought to life, but who also leaves behind a bucketload of that energy sprinkled amongst the lives of those she knew. In that, she lives on, and the world is a little brighter.

Life Exists in Moments

I met Natalie a while back when singing in the same choir but really connected with her over an interaction we had years later. We were sitting next to each other at the bar at a retirement party. Over drinks and the background of cheerful cover songs, our conversation veered quickly towards life paths, decisions made, and opportunities missed. It ended in us both acknowledging that we'd come to a place of peace with the direction our lives had taken.

Now there are these small moments in life that in retrospect are major. They make an impact exponentially larger than the initial moment. Whenever I reflected on that conversation, I felt a sense of happiness and peace with whatever had come my way. She let me know that she also reflected often on this little conversation.

Since then we occasionally talked about that conversation and how we both got so much from it. While battling cancer, she took the time to tell me that she'd left my blog open and she was going through it while undergoing treatment. She said

"I also love your posts and have started going thru your GWTRU blog ... I have left it open in Safari to remind me to go there when I need a break (I’ve had so much cancer/chemo reading material thrust upon me lately - I’m up to here with it!)...in any case, Carrie - thank you for your expressions here and for your thoughtful writings and cheery posts! Happiness is contagious ... something we don’t have to be afraid of catching!"

It took her a moment to share that my blog made her happy and reflective. And that small gesture meant so much to me. I write most of the time because I feel compelled to (which clearly has not been a driving force lately), but ultimately I write to connect with others and this comment made me feel that I'd achieved my goal. It was a completely gracious comment in the midst of an incredibly difficult time in her life.

That is my main learning from this year and sort of a new mantra of mine. Take the time to say the kind thing, offer the small gesture, and have that small conversation on a barstool at a retirement party, because it may lift someone else up, help someone out, and become a key moment in your life.

Someone wrote a condolence post for Natalie that described her as being a "force of lightness and fun". In such a sometimes hard life, what a wonderful way to be.

COVID made us miss these moments of interaction. Being at the office these days exhausts me physically, but is slowly waking my brain up from the fog of isolation. I'm recognizing the value of forced interactions at the water cooler that often turn into these touchpoints that make us feel alive. There is no substitute for an in-person smile or moment of connection.

FOMO the Moment

So these small moments strung together make a life, and if you can be present for them and instill a little bit of joy or connection, oh what a wonderful life that will be.

I sometimes listen to the daily episodes with Jay Shetty on the Calm App, and the other day he was talking about how we experience so much "Fear of Missing Out" (FOMO). The trips we haven't taken, the parties missed, the concert tickets not bought.

But he challenged us to turn the concept on its head, and instead of FOMOing these missed events, to FOMO the moment we are in. Because there is so much beauty in it, and it's the only thing that's real.

We should worry more about not being present in these little moments we are in, instead of the million moments that haven't graced our lives on this particular day.

Daily Reminders

Some other mantras that I try to recall when I get a little off balance and angry or stressed as I bring more in-person life into my days:

Grab and redirect any negative energy that comes your way. Let it go as quickly as possible and show it who's boss by directing it to something positive or that furthers your goals.
Intentionally reinterpret events as needed (cognitive reappraisal). Ask if there is a less destructive way to look at a situation. Something that lifts you up instead of bringing you down.
Focus on progress over perfection (an oldie but goodie). Perfection is unattainable and often stops us in our tracks. But "better than before" is, well, better than before.
Instead of always trying to be positive, attempt to "be light". A slight mind shift, but it changes how you exist in a space and takes way less energy.
View the world with Beginner's Mind or Fresh Eyes. You'll notice new things all day, and for me, that breeds a lot of energy.

Recently I was going through a pivotal fertility treatment on the exact day that Natalie was living her last moments, and I remember sending a little message out into the universe (and in a note to Natalie that I knew she would never see but hoped she would be aware of somehow). I wished that if I did get pregnant, that there would be a spark of Natalie in that little soul. Her spark will at least carry on in how I live my life, and remember her.