I Wanna Hold My (Book) Baby in my Hands

I ordered a friend's book the other day. When it arrived and I held it in my hands I thought this is what I want. To hold my own book in my hands. A clean, firm, weighty representation of the years and tears that have poured into its completion. My first baby.

It was born out of love and passion, taking up the equivalent of a second job for many years. It had all of my attention and devotion. I even put some higher-level career positions on hold so that I would have time at night to write.

I love what it grew up to be, and took it as close to being ready to publish as I could. I wrote what I wanted to read (a common bit of writer-ly advice) and there is a humble but proud part of me that thinks it's a great read and suitable for armchair travellers and book clubs alike.

And, just like with this little dude squirming inside of me as I write this, the desire to hold my book in my hands is intense.

"...the mandate of her soul will end, either way, in a birth, even if what is born is made of ink and paper rather than of flesh and blood. - Alexandra Schwartz when speaking of Sheila Heti's Motherhood

Writing a Book Part Three: Dust off Your Marketing Degree

There are many milestones when writing a book. I've currently completed a milestone I'll call "the big pause". I was in the middle of what I define as Part three of writing a book (Part 1 being the writing, and Part 2 being the major edits and reviews), and that is to secure an agent or publisher. 

But I'm not a marketer, certainly not of myself. It makes me cringe. So the validation of traditional publishing was what I sought. A "partner in crime" to remind me that it was okay to talk about the book's and my own (by default) strengths without feeling compelled to highlight all of my weaknesses and insecurities.

I attended courses, researched how to pitch agents, entered contests, and solicited a lot of feedback on my query letters. I even went back a bit in the process (perhaps to the true Phase 1) and wrote a proper business proposal with target audiences and marketing plans, etc.

But at some point, frustration with the process hit. I felt such discomfort with promoting myself, and from everything I heard and read, it felt like the climate at the time (related to my profile, the topic of my book and the publishing industry overall as it entered the uncertainty of COVID) was not right for my book. Unless I had some sort of monstrous social media following. Which I do not. 

When I wrote this book, not only were travel memoirs incredibly popular thanks to bestsellers like Eat, Pray, Love, but publishing was much less fragmented. Self-publishing wasn't as common. You didn’t have to have thousands of followers on Instagram and have proven your marketing worth to sell a non-fiction book. You just needed a really well-written book with a good hook. And a little luck as with anything else in life. 

These days the noise is so loud. Self-publishing has become easier and people are less afraid of it. 

I did pitch about 25 agents. I've been told that it can take up to 100 submissions to find the right fit. But each pitch takes a lot of time and effort and it started to feel like it might not be worth it given the position my book would have in the market. Again, without some sort of niche of expertise that could make me an influencer or some other force of social media presence. 

I enjoyed writing, not pitching. And with trying to figure out a lot of personal things, working the day job and living, I didn't want to spend all of my precious free time pitching instead of writing. So I paused, which of course took away any momentum I had gathered. I was also dealing with the whole mood of languishing that many felt during the pandemic. 

But with a baby on the way, I feel a really strong desire to give this book, this immense effort and point of pride in my life, its own birth into the world. 

Self Publishing Stigma

Self-publishing has always been a route to publishing, but there seemed to be a really strong stigma associated with it when I first started exploring options. The perception was that you weren't a valid writer to be taken seriously if you weren't backed by a traditional publishing house. 

Luckily I think the mood around that has started to change. I see friends self-publishing books they've been working on, some for as long as I've been working on my own. It's exciting to see and it's given me the itch to do it myself.

Many have used increasingly affordable and much-improved quality self-publishing options. The cost is no longer prohibitive. You don't have to order boxes of books that literally sit collecting dust. There are publishing on-demand alternatives. The amazon-ification of publishing. It's almost too late to fight it, so I may as well jump on board. 

I do feel like it's overwhelming, the number of books out there. And I like the idea of a filter that books go through when a publisher vouches for them. I don't want my book, which I have taken years to edit and vet with readers (general and cultural sensitivity alike) to be in the same monstrous pool of books that have been written with much less consideration or effort. 

But at the end of the day, published is better than dust gatherer (in my mind). 

I could wait forever to be recognized by an industry that is unpredictable and changing drastically, and somewhat subjective, or I could get this baby out in the world and move on to creating something new. I can no longer fear that I'll never be taken seriously if a business, driven by trends and bottom lines (at least in the non-literary arena which I fall into) isn't in a position to publish my book at this time.

I still have the dream to be traditionally published and I respect that route so much, but anyone who doesn't want my future work just because I decided to self-publish something I really wanted to have out in the world is probably someone I shouldn't be working with anyway. 

I have to do something. All of this waiting and doing nothing is like a stone in my shoe. 

Next Steps

So my goal this year (if motherhood allows me any spare time) is to prepare my book for self-publishing. To make sure I've covered all bases when publishing non-fiction (should have taken some advice years back to turn it into fiction. Much less risky and exposing). Perhaps obtain some professional editing (do you know anyone looking to build their editing resume who doesn't charge an arm and a leg?), and a professional cultural sensitivity read.

On the side, I might still continue to pitch. When I have a spare moment (I know all of the parents reading are laughing at me right now). 

Just Do It

My book was truly a labour of love. A force from my core that couldn't be stopped. I learned so much in retelling my story and in the many courses I took to refine it. I found a great community and most of the time I really enjoyed the process. It gave me my Ikigai (motivation to get out of bed) on so many mornings. Holding a final version in my hands will be such a reward.

I already have my next project on the brain and with all that I've learned I'm going to approach things completely differently!

I hope you'll take a read when I finally get this one out there...