Suited up in Vietnam

Another rough-cut travel diary from the road...

"At Spa Samui...Shit happens" or so the t-shirts say. I just finished a 7-day cleanse program on the island of Samui in Thailand (where I basically couldn't eat for 7 days). It's a bit of self-punishment being on an island where most people come to re-tox in order to abstain from all that pollutes the body. But in the end, it was a piece of cake (full pun intended).

Singapore stopover

But rewinding back a bit to Vietnam. I headed from the Habitat project in Malaysia to Vietnam through Singapore, a very fancy city. Spent a wham-bam day there checking out sparkly skirts in Little India, window shopping for food in Chinatown and strolling along the waterfront. So many buildings in Singapore are ornate and beautiful. 

At night I checked out the Night Safari where you can see animals that are usually more active at night (think giraffes and bats and elephants and tigers...oh my!). It was a pretty unique experience to go to a zoo that opens from 6pm to midnight.

Vietnam Livin'

After staying at a hostel whose tagline is "Have we slept together yet" I headed off for what ended up being a 5-hour delayed flight to Ho Chi Minh city. A totally pleasant wait as the Singapore airport is a virtual amusement park. As we were finally lining up for the flight on the discount Tiger Air the wing was still hooked up to mechanical gear. Eventually, a tired-looking engineer came in and shrugged his shoulders without a hint of a smile at the waiting flight attendant to indicate that I guess she could start letting us on board. Reassuring!

I arrived in HCM so tired that when I arrived at my hotel where I was to meet two of my girlfriends from Japan, I looked at one of them and without a moment of recognition turned away.

HCM streets are basically a stream of motorbikes. The only way to make your way across a street is to "say a little prayer" and to walk into the bikes and trust that they will avoid you. They do, flowing around you a bit like water flowing around a pebble in a stream. The trick is to walk slowly and the bikes will have time to see you and maneuver around you (tell this to the girl who nearly hit me as she chatted away on her cell phone). The moment you freak out and start walking faster is when you get hit. The only real rule is that size rules and you'd best avoid walking into oncoming cars.

I met up with my mates Marissa and Kat. Yoshi's angels back together again. We had some nice meals and toured the town. I got a bit sick after visiting the "American War" museum. The pictures were a bit too graphic and the stories too sad, combined with boiling heat and I was out for the count. Puke-sick for a day and a bit! We also visited the CuChi tunnels where the Viet Cong would hide during the war. There we watched what seemed like a promotional video for the VC spouting things like "He was an American Killer Hero". Pretty harsh visits overall.

On the way, we stopped at a religious or tourist ceremony. Not really sure which given the number of tour buses parked outside. Regardless, it was stunning as everyone was wearing either traditional Vietnamese dress (long white dress and pants) or a colourful version in red, blue or yellow (those were reserved for the Christians, Buddhists, and Taoists I was told).

Moto-ing around Hoi An

The next stop was Hoi-An where we stayed at a vintage-style hotel with a pool in the courtyard. Hoi-An is a beautiful city, from the old french colonial style buildings in candy colours to the vibrant and sweaty market where you can watch groupings of grinning Vietnamese women in traditional triangle hats swapping the daily market gossip. All the while chopping the legs mercilessly off of living crabs or squatting over a selection of vibrantly coloured fresh fruit. It is undoubtedly a tourist destination filled with tailoring shops, souvenirs and restaurants that each served the same menu with the full spectrum of food from Vietnamese Pho to Pepperoni pizza.

We beached for a day and ate and went to the MySon ruins and basically had a relaxing time. I also took a terrifying moto ride to Marble Mountain and China beach. In Vietnam, there are bikes parked on every available surface mounted by moto men who will take you just about anywhere for a small fee. Shouts of Madam Moto and Hello Moto follow you everywhere you go in quick succession. You will have barely uttered the words "no, thank you" when you will hear the next demand. You finally get to the point where you simply don't respond and then you get the remarks and shouts after you in Vietnamese which you get the sense are less than kind.

I got a personal moto driver for 6 hours and about a 100 km drive for about 6 dollars U.S. The ride was terrifying as he decided to take me on my own private route on a road that was not yet finished. We were skidding on sand and rocks and dodging people on a one-lane dirt road, framed by crumbly turquoise and Terra cotta homes, ghostly forests, deserted streets. While most houses were a collection of square boxes with tiled floors, a TV and not much else, the town was a fascinating series of dioramas as many of the establishments/houses did not have fronts on them. From women getting their hair washed on wooden boards to children playing a game of hide and seek to the random ornate and extravagant temple, it was my own little picture reel. And the soundtrack was what I can only imagine is some kind of propaganda being blared from public loudspeakers mounted on concrete poles.

Marble mountain was a series of temples etc. built on and into a mountain. It was a stunning walk. China beach was a beach. No tourists which was nice, but also no white sand and crystal waters. I was also there at the end of a long day so I wasn't too impressed.

Tailor Time

One of the things to do in Vietnam is to get a wardrobe tailored just for you. You are not hard up for finding tailors in Hoi-An. Besides rows of streets lined with tailors as far as the eye can see you can even procure a tailor while riding a bicycle. If you are approached by a woman on a bicycle whose first question is "where are you from" you know you are in for the ultimate sales pitch on two wheels. This question was the dreaded precursor to any type of business transaction and I turned into an ice queen whenever I heard it. The spiels are always the same and are consistently tempting. Clothes just for you, very cheap, good quality, in one day, don't trust anyone else because we are the real deal, etc.

Once you decide on a tailor it turns into a wholly different ride. At one of the two tailors we decided to purchase some suits and dresses from, my friend and I ordered the same dress. We came back the next day to try on the dresses and one kinda fit both of us and the other was a potato sack that couldn't have possibly been taken from either of our measurements (at least I didn't feel particularly bloated when they took my measurements). Probably a dress that someone wanted and then ditched. We decided that I would take the almost OK dress and Marissa got the potato sack and they fitted away. We were to come back that night for the completed dresses.

When we arrived that evening no changes had been made to the dresses, however, the dresses were swapped and they tried to convince us that the potato sack was really my dress and the other dress was Marissa's. They proceeded to chalk over the previous measurements on Marissa's dress and my dress all of a sudden disappeared. They said they were going to find my dress, and no one came back. They had gone home for the evening and I was leaving the next day without any dress. We said that we weren't leaving until we got out money back or the dress, and so ended up at the tailor's house that evening getting a private and personal fitting.

In the end, I had to make two trips to the tailor's workshop, a good hop, skip and a moto ride away, to walk away with a dress that looks somewhat decent. This was however the only bad experience we had with the tailors (except for Kat's tailor going out of business in Thailand) and we each happily sent home a box of new clothes.

Buy This Now!

Vietnam had comparably very aggressive hawkers. It got to feeling like if we didn't buy something we were disgusting and reprehensible. We "befriended" this woman at a restaurant who asked if we wanted to come to her house next door to meet the kids she had been telling us all about. We arrived to SURPRISE her kids being in bed, but "hey, would you like to see some pictures of the cute little devils...and oh...of course, by the way, I forgot to mention my son sells stuff in the weekend market. Let me show you". And then "Why don't you buy something from my son. C'mon, just one thing. Why don't you buy something?!" I was having a permanent guilt trip.

Hanoi Hangs

The next stop was Hue, the former capital of Vietnam. Really quaint with a nice riverfront and a beautiful market. I also hired a moto driver to whom I gave very specific instructions to be careful and drive slowly (he looovved me!!). He took me around to the tombs of the former emperors which were really extraordinary. From ruins to the most recent which was ornately decorated and massive.

Marissa and Kat headed on a bus to Laos while I boarded a night train to Hanoi, the capital. The train ride was made quite enjoyable as I met some blokes who bought some beer and we sat up late in the bar car with an iPod and speakers and had our own little party. We arrived to the sight of about 200 Vietnamese women doing mass outdoor aerobics by the lake (which I later found out is a pretty regular occurrence.  Love it! 



I loved Hanoi. Beautiful buildings, water, lots of good restaurants (Vietnamese and western), and good entertainment. It felt the most western of the Vietnamese cities, but it was still undeniably Vietnam.

In Hanoi, I booked the "good" tour from my hotel to the beautiful Ha long Bay. The deal was you go on a boat, see a cave, Kayak, go to Cat Ba National Park, and sleep on the boat, all meals included.

We started our trip out fine. The van was a little less sketchy than my previous rides. Aaand the trip fell apart from there: there was hair in all of our food, we never even went to Cat Ba, there were about a million rats and cockroaches running around (one guy awoke to a rat nibbling on the pillow next to him), there was visible rat poo in the beds, and the list goes on. We ended up sleeping all together on the roof of the boat (which incidentally was amazing...sunset and sunrise over a beautiful vista)! But we had booked a bed!



In Hanoi, I took a little cyclo tour, walked around, ate some good grub and met up with a friend I met in China, Ben who frequented this place called Bia Hoi (or local beer corner). They make local beer, t costs about 20 cents a glass and you sit on little plastic chairs on the corners of the road. Which is illegal so apparently every once and a while, when a cop is near someone, they will yell "cop" and everyone picks up their own plastic table and chairs and moves to the side of the road. Practical!

I also saw the local Water Puppet theatre which was amazing. Brightly coloured puppets bounced out of the water with lights and beautiful traditional music. I have to say it is probably the most entertaining puppet show I can ever expect to see!

For one final scam before I left I booked the more expensive flight out of the country on Vietnam Airlines to Laos as it was apparently the better company with better planes. I was shuttled onto the runway to a Laos airline plane. Apparently, they are a joint venture and they use the same planes.

At least it got me to Vientiane Laos where my story continues! Off to do a little shopping in Bangkok (the coolest city ever). Will tell you about lush Laos, chaotic Cambodia and "Thank god I'm in Thailand" Thailand soon...

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